OMG...you did not.

Set scene...crowded bar on a Friday night (my personal favorite bar, might I add), friends all around, celebrating a friends new job. Music is playing, drinks are flowing, and the Creeper McCreeperson's of the world are out and about.

So there I am, minding my own business and debating with my friends whether or not to wear pants on Halloween. This is a really serious debate. I really dislike wearing pants, and kind of really want to be Wonder Woman for Halloween 2010. But this is off topic.

Two guys enter the bar. They observe us and head to the other side of bar. Excellent choice men, I don't want to talk to you. Well played. But then!!! Right in the middle of the "but will the wrist cuffs make my thighs look fat?" part of the Pants Debate...they're back. With awful breath. I mean it was rank. I had a coffee flavored shot and can guarantee you my breath didn't even smell that bad. Get a mint, bro. Or just a toothbrush. He butts in and asks a question. I answer, and then turn back to the conversation at hand.

They lurk. Whatever.

Now if there's one thing I love, its a booty bumpin jam. Current obsession, I will admit, is Usher's "OMG". Let me assure you it came on. So I'm bouncing a little on my barstool. I am sure you can picture it, everyone has seen a girl in a bar doing that. But I don't want to dance! If I did, I would.

Stinky-breath-lurk-boy comes at me from behind and has the nerve to pick me up off my seat and pull me on to the dance floor.

?!?seriously?!?

Who does that??? And why me??

but this is only the beginning. I like to think I'm pretty easy going, so whatever dude, I'll dance with you. My dancing resembles the infamous Elaine dance from Seinfeld. Nothing great. Its actually probably really entertaining to other people, I fear the day it appears on youtube. While dancing, he decides its a good idea to put his hand on my crotch and pull me closer to him. Dude, thats fucking gross. Don't ever do that. To anyone. As you can only imagine, my slightly inebriated self is not fucking happy. I take his hand, and remove it from my nether regions. Guess where he decides the new location for it should be? My ass. This kid with bad breath, bad hair, and clearly no social etiquette has entirely ruined my enjoyment of OMG. I leave the dance floor. Nuh uh, not cool.

Why, oh why, me?

I will end this with a quote from the super fabulous tooth missing rockstar Ke$ha. Yep, the dollar bill symbol in there is *really* necessary.

Get up and go, bro.

no-xoxo,

J.